When was the last time you did something for the first time ? Asks one ad which comes up frequently on my TV screen these says. It set me thinking. I live such a conventional life, every day is really a 'repeat' of the previous day and the following one is not likely to throw up any surprises either. It would have been boring, dull and frustrating if I did not have my TV to watch, the net to surf, the cooking I do, the club I go to for a swim and also to have a chat with one or two friends but with all these activities, there is no novelty, no sense of adventure and no feeling of fulfillment. Well, I read books occasionally and that can be absorbing and at times an uplifting experience, but the books are some one else's creation and not mine.
I was thinking of all these as I walked back from the bazaar in the morning. I realised that this train of thought must have prompted me to buy a species of fish, Ar mach, which I did not have in the last twenty years. I have never cooked this fish before - I did not have to cook twenty years back, nor did I have to do any household chores either - so, it might be a bit of a novelty.
As I was walking, I came across a gentleman I had met a number of times on the streets but never spoken to. He is my next door neighbour, but I, being what I am, have never bothered to introduce myself to any of my neighbours in the locality in the last six years. I stopped him, got ourselves introduced and started chatting. It transpired that both of us finished school in the same year and being a very old resident of this place, he knew my father, a doctor, who used to visit this place pretty often in our childhood. He also knew me by name because of my academic accomplishments in the bygone days. Another friend of his, of the same locality, joined us and after a few minutes of small talk which I am not much good at, I left, but deep within I felt some satisfaction for doing something very ordinary and normal, but new and out of character as far as I am concerned.
I realised suddenly that the blog I have started is also a first for me. Every new post is something I am creating, however humble that is, something new and adventurous, something which did not exist before. I was just reading an interview of Kiran Desai, the winner of the Man Booker Prize of 2006 in Telegraph today and she says " I have the creative energy of Rushdie and the immigrant's heart of Naipul ". I do not have the creative energy of either Desai or Rushdie or for that matter any author, and as regards being an immigrant, I really do not know because living in my own country, sometimes I feel I do not belong, but I always wanted to write. I did not have the confidence to do so.Words were never in my command, they are not so now either. They have a tendency to play hide and seek when I look for them and remain hidden most of the time though I know they are very much there - somewhere.
When I took the first step to write, I was fighting against a mental block, against a feeling of disability and inadequacy. I was crossing a barrier that had planted itself in my mind long ago like an iron in the soul. But I did.
I was thinking of all these as I walked back from the bazaar in the morning. I realised that this train of thought must have prompted me to buy a species of fish, Ar mach, which I did not have in the last twenty years. I have never cooked this fish before - I did not have to cook twenty years back, nor did I have to do any household chores either - so, it might be a bit of a novelty.
As I was walking, I came across a gentleman I had met a number of times on the streets but never spoken to. He is my next door neighbour, but I, being what I am, have never bothered to introduce myself to any of my neighbours in the locality in the last six years. I stopped him, got ourselves introduced and started chatting. It transpired that both of us finished school in the same year and being a very old resident of this place, he knew my father, a doctor, who used to visit this place pretty often in our childhood. He also knew me by name because of my academic accomplishments in the bygone days. Another friend of his, of the same locality, joined us and after a few minutes of small talk which I am not much good at, I left, but deep within I felt some satisfaction for doing something very ordinary and normal, but new and out of character as far as I am concerned.
I realised suddenly that the blog I have started is also a first for me. Every new post is something I am creating, however humble that is, something new and adventurous, something which did not exist before. I was just reading an interview of Kiran Desai, the winner of the Man Booker Prize of 2006 in Telegraph today and she says " I have the creative energy of Rushdie and the immigrant's heart of Naipul ". I do not have the creative energy of either Desai or Rushdie or for that matter any author, and as regards being an immigrant, I really do not know because living in my own country, sometimes I feel I do not belong, but I always wanted to write. I did not have the confidence to do so.Words were never in my command, they are not so now either. They have a tendency to play hide and seek when I look for them and remain hidden most of the time though I know they are very much there - somewhere.
When I took the first step to write, I was fighting against a mental block, against a feeling of disability and inadequacy. I was crossing a barrier that had planted itself in my mind long ago like an iron in the soul. But I did.
Dwiju
ReplyDeleteI guess this is retirement -boring and monotonous, waiting for the life to come to an end sometime. Someone told me that retire should be viewed as re- tyre as in a car . One should try to rejuvenate oneself.I am pleased to see that you are embarking on new things such as meeting your neighbours, cooling Aar mach and most importantly writing excellent blogs.
With regard to your Aar mach, I have learned during my on and off(mostly off) cooking experiences extending over a period of 47 years that cooking curry has a standard recipe with some individual variations. If I recall Ma used to cook Aar mach in the same way as you cooked Hilsha with some sarshe as you did the other day.
Starting new habits or hobbies is never easy. I started reading non technical books first time in nearly 40 years when I was due to retire in 2003.I was concerned that I did not have anything to do in my spare time so was exploring to remedy the situation.
Initially I stuck to some well known authors,biographies etc. Then I extended my search. I found that there were so many excelllent authors which I could not imagine there were. For example I was mesmerised by reading selected short stories of Jhumpa Lahiri's Interpreter of maladies. She is an American Indian and the winner of the pulitzer prize 2000. When I read two volumes of short stories by Ashapurna Devi, most of which I did not read before, I realised what a genius she was. I thought that Americans are insular about the rest of the world, they think America is the world. But my views were changed when I started reading Bill Clinton's My life. I wonder how did some of the people get such an indepth knowledge of human behaviour.One tends to feel insignificant compared to some of the people around to day and had been yesterday.
Nevertheless that should not stop us expressing our feelings.You are being immodest, you always had the ability to write well and draw beautiful sketches. It was that unlike well known authors you did not persue with the habit.
Your write up is excellent and I suggest you should continue.
Dadamoni
Dadamoni,
ReplyDeleteSurprisingly, I made sarshe Aar.And at the risk of being a little immodest,I may say it has been well cooked and you would have liked it. Except that powdered sarshe which I have to buy and mix with a bit of water, does not have the same 'bite' or 'jhanjh' as the mustard granules ground in a mixie which I don't have.
I am glad to read your comments for more than one reason.First of course is because you have started reading literary works. I have read Jhumpa's Interpreter of Maladies and of course Ashapurna Devi.One of my favourite serial in the evening is Subarnalata, one of Ashapurna's famous trilogy, which narrates the travails of a girl, a married one, trying to break the shackles imposed on women in a conservative family and society in the thirties of last century without of course becoming a bra-burning feminist typified by the West and imitated at times by some of our own firebrand socialites.I would like to read Clinton whom I used to like despite his forays into rather scandalous mis-adventures.
Secondly, your comments have turned into an enjoyable blog post.You should set out on an independent adventure of your own.
Thirdly, of course I am moved by your observations about me.I do not know how to react. Is it 'Full many a flower is born to blush unseen..' or 'Je nadi marupathe haralo dhara..-the stream that lost its course in a desert? Seems it is the latter, but the desert is a self created one.
Dwiju
ReplyDeleteI am sure you know that if you grind masala in a sil nora the food tastes a great deal better than the powdered masala. It particularly applies to posto, sarshe,ginger.One thing I could tell you though that you will feel a great deal better if you stop smoking,at least your food will taste a great deal better. I know it is not easy as it took me more than ten years to stop it.
With regard to your last point, in hindsight we all could have shaped our life differently. With me I probably got more than I was capable of and for that I had to struggle all my life. For you things probably came too easily and I am not sure if you had to struggle that much. Also one's life is dictated greatly by external influences, you may have too much of that and I was basically a loner in later life. The best thing is not to brood over it, things could have been worse.
I have written a little blog in Bengali which you may like to read. I need to get over my inhibition and continue with it.
Dadamoni
Baba,
ReplyDeleteGood to read about trying out new things. Reminds me of one of my earliest managers teaching us something about growing up in life. He used to say people who are succesful typically push themselves out of their comfort zones. And there are the lucky ones who get pushed out because of some reason not in their own control. Although they find themselves struggling in the initial stages , there is no better learning than that. He used to say move out as soon as you feel you are comfortable. I guess it applies to life also. People who try out newer things do tend to do better. However there is a fine balance too, doing too many new things might make one "jack of all trades and master of none", which is detremental to the highly specialized world we live in.
Anyway too much gas talk :), I can suggest you a good and challenging new thing to try out as monijethu suggested :
"Why not give up smoking for one month" ?
:)
Anindya
Giving up smoking for a month wouldn't be a new thing to try out. u have done it many times before.
ReplyDelete